drunken inventions

OK, so this is what I used to tell my friends after a couple of beers. Since I've been writing crap anyway, this wouldn't seem out of place.

The invention of the century, maybe best ever of and for mankind, IF indeed inventable. The prelude goes like this: what causes the world's problems? What triggers the rage between you and me? What leads to destruction? Physical space.

As long as we occupy physical space, we'll bump into each other. Say why is car insurance so expensive? Because of the number of accidents of course. You drive; you pay the premium. The simple fact that two physical things can not exist in the same point of space dictated by the four known dimensions, is the key to the invention.

As we know, or more accurately, observe, dimensions can be bent, or shifted, at least on a molecule level. Following that thought, who is to say we can't manipulate those properties of the physical world?

So this machine allows the push of a button to shift/twist/bent any specified dimension at any given time.

This other one belongs to a friend of mine. I do not remember it in its entirety so forgive me for messing it up a bit. It goes like this:

You know how all the partying and menstruation bring you the ultimate headache. What you get is a lady-packet, or whatever it's called. You can purchase the pack from a special vending machine in a lady's room, possibly in a club. It comes in a convenient plastic bag. In the bag you'll find some painkiller, disposable knickers (my friend is British, obviously), and tampon. The real trick is the tampon because it's combined with medicine that alleviates the user. It all seems like that this lady friend of mine lives in a world of pain for some reason.

A third in a row, yeah! This invention makes sense but seems like it has been mentioned a number of times before. It's what my friend calls "Icecoolwave". You saw that coming, didn't you? The concept is simple, like microwave, you put food in the oven, turn the dial , in no more than a couple of minutes you'd get hot food. Some say it's the magic of the devil. Well let's get back on track, the only difference is of course it cools instead of heats things as you stick them inside.