one last time

Four years and one day ago was a tragic day that contributed to some rather sharp changes in my personal life. If you're an optimistic person you'll see optimism in just about anything, likewise with most any other personalities. Some events though have the affect of manifesting them.

I used to work in the municipal government district, which neighbors the financial heart of New York city downtown, during my three years and a few months with the agency. It's nothing dramatic, mostly just clerical duties. "The agnecy" sounds like, wow, a secret police organization. No. it's really just an office of the local public sector, with a lot of different locations. I loved flashing my city employee ID card that allows me access to restricted municipal buildings. I miss that. I did computer support plus purchasing for one year, as an intern, and finance for two years.

I did, as a result, have the chance to meet some interesting people like the two mayors, Giuliani and Bloomberg. No doubt they won't remember me. I also met my share of assholes. There was bureaucracy, and plenty of trumpery.

As those buildings came crumbling down, the debris hit me with an epiphany, although it took all of 2002 for it to completely sink in. A life is merely a blip in the infinity of the universe, one must go on to live everyday like it is his very last. So I left and started to chase something a bit more intangible.

The agency, went without any landline for half a year. Cellphones were assigned. The windows were shut tight for the entire fall and winter that followed, with air-conditioning left on. The air, suffocating for that period of time, has remained the same thereafter. The smell of the dead burning still lingers. We evacuated our building seven times within three months since that day. Everybody, while running down those 3000 steps, from the bottom of his heart, believed something will go off with a boom. But nothing did. Nothing. Ever. Did.